Connecticut River Sea-Monster, July 1995

For Immediate Release:

So is this great and wide sea, wherein are things creeping and innumerable, both small and great beasts.

There go the ships: there is that Leviathan, whom Thou hast made to play therein.

—Psalm civ;25-26

The Main Street Museum Of Art, once again astounding the local population and opinion of the world at large, presents an exhibition the scope of which has not been seen in this hemi�sphere for a Dogs Age.

It was this Spring, in the slightly unsani�tary waters just off of Lyman Point in White River Junction, where the White meets the Connecticut River, that an extraordinary Monster was seen Frolicking. First reports gave indication that some cousin, or closer relative, of “Champ,” Lake Champlains Aquatic Apparition, had some�how found its way onto the Eastern half of Our Beautiful State. Devious and as yet Undiscovered Underground Channels perhaps penetrated the Gneiss And Schist Ledges of the Green Mountains, enabling lateral passage to ethereal creatures of the Watery Nether-World. Or per�haps Extraterrestrials simply dumped the Monster here. Just days later, an expedition party from The Museum determined to capture the Mooncalf, as the educational value of such a Chimera would be of incalculable value for the region. A Herculean struggle ensued. In the end, all that needs be said is that the Remarkable Offspring of the Chambers Of The Styx did not survive its attempted domes�tication. The matter was, however, put into the hands of our own, Gulgo Vandershelz Bargain, a specialist in Oriental Taxidermy, who practiced his art with such magical skill that it can scarcely be detected that our Gargoyle Gave Its All for the Advancement Of Knowledge. On close examination of the beast it was determined that Nature, up to her “high-jinx” as usual, had beaten Human-Kind in marvelous inventions and created a Wonder.

The only question remaining was this: how then could The Main Street Museum Of Art help bring this Miracle of the Aquatic World before the Awaiting Public?

A Display Case was found for the Incubus which turned out to be too small. We made it fit anyway; and now the result:

A Sensation! A Genuine, Fantastic
Creature From The Deep,

A Sea-Monster

Wonderful Child Of Neptune Spawned From The Fermenting And Tumultuous Waters Of The Connecticut River. Exhibited At The Museum For The
Summer; 23 June til Mid August, 1995.
Fridays And Saturdays From Noon Til Six In The Evening. For The Reasonable Price Of Only ¢50
Leaving For A World-Tour In Foliage Season. Beginning in Montpelier, Vermont in October & ending God-knows-where.

In short we hold the Exclusive Contract with a Freak of such phenomenal proportions that the superstitious of “Days-Gone-By” would have assuredly ascribed some Portentous Significance to the Era of its appearance. We, however, are Beings of Intellect and of Science and can only quote some of the Leading Authorities who have been privy to the Indescribable Physiognomy of this Griffin:

Says Dr. Li Shen, Ph.D., The Lab of Phenomenology: “This specimen, this re�markable finding, represents a here-to-fore un-delineated Evolutionary Link between the Gargantua of the Marine World and Modern Day Bovines.”

Says Prof. Ria Blaas, Independent Researcher: “I have never encounter-ed anything like it in all my long Experience as a Researcher in Micro-Terpsichoreans.

Says Zachary Blainford, M.D., Ph.D.; Kresge Scientific Institute “Since this creature obvi�ously is not genetically capable of descent from any Known Earth Form, therefore it is my considered opinion that this Abomination must have been Teleported (by what means is unclear); as a type of, perhaps sinister, Extra-Terrestrial Biology Experiment”

In short, the best minds of the scientific-bio�logical community have been completely Appalled by the Revolting Aspect of the Dragon. Thus our Dumbfounding Specimen will prove to be the greatest sensation of our Times and the Highlight of Northern New Englands Cultural Life for some time to come. It shows all inclinations to bring in a Fortune In Lucre. And will be shown, in a Specially Prepared Exhibition Room within The Museums dirty little galleries.

I hear you ask, “Will fifty of my United States Cents be put to good use viewing this phe�nomenon?” To this we can only say that all ad�mission to The Museum will be cheerfully refunded if the flabbergasted Witnesses are not one-hundred per cent satisfied with the Hideousness of our Prize. In short; we extend A Guarantee on our entertainments; what better deal is there? None; there is none!

Dont forget, The Museum is proud of The Permanent Collection: Art of the Region, Yankee Curiosities, Indian, or “Injun” Artifacts of undoubted veracity, Golden Rail-Road Spikes, Theater Posters from the Infamous Era White River created as an Entertainment Mecca, A Lithograph of the Virgin Mother, Miraculously Preserved through Submersion in the 1927 Flood, Holy Water from Memphis, True Relics of the Body of Elvis Presley, and a host of other artifacts designed to Delight and to Elucidate!